Love is the currency. A crisis can threaten the relationships with those closest to us. Love must always exist in our motives, words, actions, limits and discipline. In the Bible, I Corinthians 13 reminds us that love is patient and kind, not envious, proud, rude, self seeking, easily angered and keeps no record of wrong. Love doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices in the truth and it always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. Love never fails.

Have you planned for this? Have you set limits that are appropriate, consistent and enforceable? Have the limits been made clear to him? He needs choices, but the choices need to be ones that you can live with.

Manage yourself first. If you aren’t in control of yourself and your feelings, you won’t be able to join up effectively with her in crisis to walk with her toward a solution.

When dealing with crisis, remember that you both need to come out of this together! Your words and actions need to show her she is valued, capable and safe. You should maintain an atmosphere of support that will allow different points of view to be shared.

Try to identify the source of the crisis. Remember, he sees life through his eyes, not yours – something we consider trivial may seem vital to him and cause him to act out on his fears.

Do you have reasonable expectations? Remember he doesn’t have vast life experiences – he grows through new experiences that are sometimes difficult or painful. He will try both good and bad ways to deal with those experiences as he faces the struggles of life.

Respond vs. Reacting. The purpose of Reacting to negative behavior is typically to control the scene by focusing on and controlling the child. Responding focuses on the negative behavior, encourages self control and gives alternatives to the negative behavior for him to try.

How much do you need to control the situation? Self control is the best solution and you should always use the least amount of power necessary to help her achieve it.

Consequences… Reinforcement for good behavior is usually more effective than consequences for negative behavior. If you are considering consequences always remember that “fair” is not everybody gets the same; “fair” is everyone gets what he or she needs.

Praise successes! Success feels great! After you and he successfully work through a crisis it is an excellent time to praise him for learning how to overcome adversity. Praise can give him confidence to help him overcome their fear of engaging and dealing with conflict.

Look back and learn. After a crisis has passed look for an opportunity to discuss how the situation could have been handled differently. Ask her if she has learned anything through this experience. Take some time to reconnect with her and have some ice cream!

Cookson Hills Christian Ministries

Route 3 Box 200
Kansas, OK, 74347

Phone Numbers:

phone:(918) 597-2192
fax:(918) 597-2200